Pastor Buddy’s Blog

Journal,

I thought about calling this study ‘when boy meets girl.’ Of course that comes from my head-in-the-clouds ‘love to laugh’ nature.  But since this study is a bit more serious, I thought it best to entitle it ‘Marriage - God’s Gifting of Maleness and Femaleness.’

Ok, let’s move on with the program.  Serious it is. 

The Hebrews placed the highest value on marriage, and on the blessing of maleness and femaleness. They also held the woman in great favor, and considered her to be God’s greatest gift to the man. In fact they taught that God was more than careful when he brought a man and woman together in a marriage.  This is why the Hebrews often referred to God as the great Shadchan. (Marriage maker.)

I think in some things that the Jewish mindset seems more Biblically sound that some of the dour teachings that certain Christians have been noted for. (Not all. Just some. And certainly not in regard to Jesus.)

For example, and I don’t mean to embarrass anyone, but in certain early writings of the church there came this strange notion concerning the act of love in  marriage. One writer went so far as to say that the Holy Spirit would leave the room during this time. (Sort of embarrassed.)

How about the Hebrews? They thought just opposite. The act of love in marriage to them was considered to be sacred. They even referred to it as ’the Sabbath delight.’ It was expected that this sanctified time would especially be in place on the Sabbath.

Ok, back to the Shadchan. If you are familiar with Fiddler on the Roof, you’ll remember the elderly lady whose role was to arrange marriages for the village. As a backdrop for this, the sages taught that God spends much of His time in arranging marriages for His people. He wanted to make certain that the right people were joined together.

Actually all you need to do is study the Biblical story if Isaac and Rebekah and you’ll get the picture.

This may seem odd, but there are Scriptures that do point to God’s involvement with the marriages of His people. Proverbs 19:14, says, “House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.“ 

Then we have this in Ecclesiastes 9:9; “Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.”

Even the apostle Paul reflects on God’s gracious gift of the woman, when he says, “For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.” (1 Co 11:7)

What a strange statement - ‘the woman is the glory of the man.’ The Greek term for ‘glory’ speaks of an outshining, that is, the woman will reflect from the man. The apostle is using the language of the Hebrews. For example Proverbs 12:4 says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.”

I well remember in my younger years when I worked for the Army at Fort Polk, Louisiana. On my desk I had a plaque which read, “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30) It is without hesitation that I can say that my Betty has been a crown in my life.

Now back to maleness and femaleness - The next thing that needs to be understood is that Adam and Eve were created as co-regents, not as servant and master, yet with the human family heading up in Adam. It is important to understand this in its true sense. Both Paul and Peter touch on this in the new covenant.

Paul says that in Christ there is neither male nor female. His point had to do with God’s work of salvation in that no one is greater or lesser when it comes to God’s gift of grace. This doesn’t mean there are no roles of accountability.

Peter also brings this out. Listen carefully; “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Pe 3:7)

Here is what needs to be noted from Peter:

(1) The woman is a weaker vessel. (Physical strength. God made her that say. )

(2) The woman is to be honored as a fellow heir the grace of life. (Not as an inferior person.)

(3) The man’s prayers will not be answered if he fails to take these instructions to heart.

None of this takes away from the differing roles of the man and woman. The apostles were careful in this area to let us see how God’s original purpose for the man and the woman has never changed.

Now back to God’s original plan for the human family. The Bible says both Adam and Eve were created in the image of God. But Adam was created first and as such, had covenant responsibility (headship) for the family of man.

However, in his relationship to Eve, Adam was not to be without Eve, and Eve was not to be without Adam. Each had a role to fulfill. Each had giftings that were theirs in particular. Each were given nature traits that belonged to them alone. It would take both Adam and Eve to fully express what the term ‘image’ really means.

Since we know that Adam was given covenant headship, let’s take a closer look at what Eve’s role was in relationship to covenant. Here again we need to see the bigger picture. There are mysteries in the Adam-Eve story that reflect on the total of God’s eternal story. I’ll skim just a bit.

Genesis 2:20, says, “…there was not found a helper suitable for him.” Two words are important. Helper is the word ‘ezer.’ This word is similar in some respects to the Greek word, parakletos. As you know ‘parakletos’ is applied to the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever.” (John 14:16)

Ezer is an interesting word in that it also carries an idea of freshness, or someone who succours. To succour means to run under, come to the aid of, to help, support, to relieve in difficulty or distress. It is a very strong word.

The root for this word is found it most Semitic languages. For example in Ugaritic, it means to rescue and save. (It is often used in a military sense.)

When the Lord said there was no one who could serve as a helper to Adam, you have to keep in mind what this role really meant. And if men truly understood the giftings given to the woman (wife), never again would they look on her as being inferior in any sense.

Then we have the word ’suitable.’ This is also an interesting word. Listen carefully men — Neged literally means ‘in sight of,’ or, ‘opposite to.’ It means she is to be ‘in your sight.’ Not ‘in’your face.

So Adam needed someone whose giftings were companion giftings to make up for His own lack in areas. The Lord designed Adam where he could not be a lone ranger.

Next we find the Lord putting Adam into a deep sleep. The Hebrew term for ‘deep sleep’ is not often used. It is close to a death word, in which consciousness of life is not present. This is the word used for Abraham’s sleep where he sees the flaming torch and smoking oven.

The point is that Adam had to die to his own life as it was, that is, to his aloneness, so that God could give him ‘his other self,’ Eve. This speaks to us in two ways. One is that the husband has to die to his own selfish ways in order to know the value of someone precious in his life.

But it also gives us a picture of Christ and the church. The church was born out of the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This was the joy that was set before Christ that caused Him to endure the cross.

Here is where we see some of the wonderful mystery of Christ and the church, but also the wonder between a godly man and his wife. (Learn this men, and you will learn how to enjoy life with the woman that you love.)

Let’s follow this triple lesson. God presents Eve to Adam. God presents the Church to Christ. God presents the wife to the man. All this is contained in the Adam-Eve story. But notice one thing in particular. God required Adam to die before He would give him Eve.  

So men, is it possible that the Lord wants us to die to our own self-centeredness before we can truly know the wonder and beauty of our wives?

It is so important to understand how the giftings of maleness and femaleness work. It is never a matter of submerging one’s life under another. It is a matter of merging of lives, where both lives count. One is not to be without the other.

It is as though when God created Eve, He took half of Adam’s life-giftings and placed them in Eve. Do we men not unconsciously reflect on this when we speak of our wives as our ‘better half’? Of course she isn’t better, just different in a good way.

Now we go a step further — Listen to the passage; “The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.”

Do you see the beauty in this. God fashioned the woman herself. He didn’t fashion her from the earth. He actually took a part of Adam, and fashioned Eve from that part. Not the head or toe, but from the heart area. She is always to be near his heart.

The very first words that Eve hears, are the words of Adam sanctifying her to himself. Here is how Adam sanctifies Eve. He looks at her, and says, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out
of man.”

Apply this to Christ and the church and get excited. We are the body of Christ. We are bone of His bone. Flesh of His flesh. And He doesn’t fill us full of fear. He sanctifies us by driving our fears away. Adam had a perfect love for Eve. Jesus has a perfect love for the Church. What does perfect love do? It casts out all fear.

There is more to the story of sanctifying Eve. Because the Lord made her to be more fragile than Adam, and yet with powerful giftings that were hers alone, Adam was put in a place where he had to recognize Eve as God’s special gift to him. This meant he had to draw her back to himself, and she needed to hear him do so.

Husbands, it is so important that you learn to affirm your wife to yourself. (Holds true with the wife also.) Even in nature, God designed the male to be the one who courts. To sanctify Eve, Adam had to drive away her fears. Again this is exactly how Christ sanctifies the church to himself.

Coming back to Adam and Eve having companion giftings and purpose, there is a sense in which the woman can serve as a type of the Holy Spirit. This is especially true when you consider her nature and giftings. There is also a sense in which the man serves as a type of God’s Word. Both Word and Spirit are needed for life. (The woman provides the womb and egg. The man provides the seed. Just something to think about.)

The Word without the Spirit can produce legalism. The Spirit without the Word can produce instability. Perhaps this is why Jesus said, “It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life.” (John 6:63)

Finally, when it comes to covenant issues, there is no stronger covenant working power on this planet than that of a man and his wife who are in spiritual union together. All the promises that relate to ‘two’ people doing something, find their greatest affect in the godly marriage.

For example, Jesus said, “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.” (Matt 18:19)

Think about it. Who is in a better place to experience the awesomeness of this promise aside from two people in a godly marriage?

So, husbands be sure to keep your Eve in your sight. Learn to hear from her. And wives, remember that you are a special gift from heaven. Learn to work with your giftings and always with an attitude of humility and submission.

Much love coming your way,

Buddy